What am I doing in this world full of nonsense and lies?

Questions for you people, have you ever loved someone 100% and I really mean 100%? People who are in love right now will probably say yes. But, think again.. Search your heart real deep, I believe you can find someone that still mean something to you. It may be just memories but still, they mean something to you before. I can't forget about my ex that easily. I mean consciouly, I feel that I have forgotten about him. But I know deep down inside me, he still holds a special place in my heart. It doesn't have to be your ex, it can be a special friend. A friend that means more than a friend. You may be in a relationship right now, but there can be a person (of the opposite sex that is) that holds maybe 1% of your heart. It may not be a lot, but still, there is someone else in your heart. Will you feel guilty? Will you deny your own feelings? I will feel guilty for sure, but to erase that person completely from my heart, I don't know if I'll do that. I know some of you will say "it's unfair to your boyfriend and bla bla bla" But if you were in my position, I believe you will do the same thing. You just don't want to lose this special friend. You do love your partner very much, but you just don't want to erase this more-than-friend of yours from your life completely. It's a dilemma indeed... [Inspired by Pepi]

This makes me think... Have you actually given 100% of yourself before? Not just to your partner, but even to your friends? A question to ponder about.

I'm facing a dilemma right now, not the kind mentioned above. I don't know what should I do, I'm afraid if I make the wrong move I'll lose *... I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing. It seems like it's not the right time but can I wait any longer? Can I conceal this feeling? Why can't you at least give me something positive, something for me to cling my hope on, something for me to be happy about. Currently all I get are negatives, all I get from you are things that crush my dream, sweep away my hope.. I can only do one thing right now, try my best and not get my hopes too high. I don't want to lose you, I don't want to lose a friend because of my feeling.. I don't.......

MeR stepped on your garbage

KEBENCIAN
Jika kau pernah membenci seseorang,
pikirkan lagi... Siapa yang kau benci?

Pernahkah kau berpikir apa yg membuatmu benci
padanya...
Sikapnya? Atau kesalahannya padamu?

Bagaimana jika seandainya org yg kau benci itu
ternyata sangat menyayangimu?
Bagaimana jika ia sengaja ingin membuatmu
benci padanya?

Hanya karena ia merasa tidak pantas untukmu...
Ia melakukan semuanya untuk membahagiakanmu...

Tidakkah hatimu luluh saat mengetahuinya?
Hal-hal yang tidak pernah kau bayangkan sebelumnya...

Bayangkan, seandainya kau berada di posisinya...
Tidakkah kau merasa sedih...
Dibenci oleh org yang amat kau sayangi?

Karena itu... Jika kau sekarang membenci
seseorang,
Pikirkan sekali lagi... Pantaskah ia kau benci?

HATRED

If you ever hated someone, think again
Who is it that you hate?

Have you ever thought what makes you hate him/her?
Is it his attitude? Or something that he has done wrong to you?

What if the person that you hate actually
love you very much?
What if he/she purposely makes you hate him/her?

Just because that he/she is not worthy of your love...
He/she does it for your own happiness...

Won't your heart go soft if you know this?
All the things that you've never thought about before...

Imagine, what if you're in that position..
Won't you be sad?
Being hated by someone you love?

Thus, if you hate someone right
at this moment...
Think! Is he/she worth your hatred?

I feel that these are true. I've never really thought about all this. Now, I HATE to HATE. Whenever I start to feel dislike for a person, I would pray to God. Asking Him for some help, some tolerance, some patience. And it works! Does hating someone give yourself a sense of satisfaction? Does it give you happiness? Joy? Entertainment? NO NO AND NO! You lose a friend if you hate someone... So... WHY HATE???!!

MeR stepped on your garbage

Hello my fellow readers (if there's any). Something just crossed my mind yesterday and because it was kind of late, I decided to pen it down today. So, let's get to the topic straight shall we?
Sympathya word that everybody is familiar of. Have you ever thought what is your purpose of writing in a blog? I guess most of you will say that you want to let out your feelings here and bla bla bla. But have you ever thought of yourself writing to be sympathised? Telling everyone about how screwed up your life is, how bad everything is going for you.. You might say "Look who's talking, or in this case, writing". I don't deny this. Consciously, I don't write for sympathy, I write to express how I feel but not to make others take pity on me. But subconsciously, I might be calling out for sympathy. I don't know, maybe deep down inside me, I want someone to say "Oh look at her, poor little thing". MAYBE... Just Maybe.....

MeR stepped on your garbage

I just read a story from my literature book which kinda emphasises on the people being over-sensitive and stuffs. I kinda find that over-sensitiveness in people nowadays. I, myself, gets a lil` too sensitive. Maybe a lot.. I do get offended quite easily. Kinda ironic how I was telling everyone how insensitive I am in the previous post (editted due to personal reason). Oh wells, the world is changing. Change is the only constant thing in the world. How true...

Sorry for the misunderstanding caused. No hard feelings that is.. Sorry again..

*Don't you just hate misunderstandings? Screw up your life, screw up everything!! Hell to misunderstanding!*

MeR stepped on your garbage

Let's get to the topic I'll be talking about today or rather, writing. Well, I realised that when people get together, they'll start telling each other everything, and I mean EVERYTHING. EVERY SINGLE TINY WINY THING regardless of its importance.

I have been feeling very shitty these past few weeks. Some days I'll feel better but today I feel the worse. Just can't believe what I found out.

LIFE SUCKS!! I DON'T SEE THE POINT OF LIFE ANYMORE! but I still want to live... Hoping things will get better, hoping everything change... Just keep hoping and wishing I guess..........

[ARGH! F*! I hate blogging!]

MeR stepped on your garbage

[Dedicated to my beloved grandma]
Hilary Duff- Someone's watching over me

Found myself today
Oh I found myself and ran away
Something pulled me back
The voice of reason I forgot I had
All I know is you're not here to say
What you always used to say
But it's written in the sky tonight

So I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even if it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
Someone's watching over me

Seen that ray of light
And it's shining on my destiny
Shining all the time
And I wont be afraid
To follow everywhere it's taking me
All I know is yesterday is gone
And right now I belong
To this moment to my dreams

So I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even if it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
Someone's watching over me

It doesn't matter what people say
And it doesn't matter how long it takes
Believe in yourself and you'll fly high
And it only matters how true you are
Be true to yourself and follow your heart

So I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even if it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
That I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even when it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
That someone's watching over
Someone's watching over
Someone's watching over me

Someone's watching over me

MeR stepped on your garbage

I know it has been donkey years since I last wrote. I don't know why, I just don't feel like writing anymore. Well, that's part of the reason. Another reason is the never-ending essays. It seems like essays after essays after essays. It's driving me nuts but still coping with it. Anyways, this entry will be kind of personal.. SO yeah.. Your choice whether you want to read it or not.

Ok, let's start. Recently, I seem to realise what kind of person I am. Well, not all my characteristics, but just one. One that I can tell you, I am not very proud of. After a certain incident, I start to realise that I'm the kind of person who will run away when problem comes, instead of facing it. Maybe sometimes I will face it, but that's only when I have the courage to do so or after some persuasion from family and friends. I hate to run away from problems. I know that by running away from them, nothing can be solved. But I always have this fear, fear of knowing the truth, fear of knowing that the truth will hurt me in some ways. To sum it up, I fear the truth. It is so hard to accept truth. But it's so easy for you to say "I want to know the truth". It happens to me a lot of times and I can tell you, 99.9%, I'm hurt by this truth. So, after much experience, I never want to find out about the truth anymore. I don't want to be hurt by this truth. So, anyways, as you can tell, I'm in a problem right now. I don't know how it turns out this way, I don't know what happened, I don't know what did I do wrong. I seem to have offended that person real bad that that person does not want to talk to me like ever again. I've tried to "introspeksi diri" [means something like "searching what's wrong with me"], I've tried to remember any time that I might have offended that person. I don't know.. I just don't... Yeah I know I'm lazy, I'm sorry, I promise I will change. Everything gets worse after the... I don't know what shits you've heard. In a way, I kind of prefer now. I don't really have to care about being ga enakan with that person cause we don't talk. Don't really have to care about practically anything. It's like I live my own life and you live yours. Part of me wants this problem to be solved, part of me wants us to be like we used to, laughing and all. But part of me also knows that it is somewhat impossible. And part of me does not want to know the TRUTH! Without knowing the truth, how to solve the problem?? Oh dear God, please give me the strength to get through this. Please give me the patience and somewhat the courage to face this.

That's about all I want to say. Moral of the story... TRUTH HURTS!

MeR stepped on your garbage